An open apology (because I probably owe it to more than I even know)

It continues to be the year of Grace in my life. I am so glad that it is, but it has been humbling. The more I realize where I have NOT been extending grace, the more grace I need to extend to myself.

To Whom it May Concern:

I stumbled across this piece and saw my heart right there in bold.

This is the piece I have been holding onto. This is the chunk that has refused to release, the cold I keep feeling….because I am radiating it.

I haven’t trusted the Holy Spirit to do the work in your life.

I don’t love the choices you’ve made. I am scared for the collateral damage. But I need not insert myself in the dance between you and your God. If He loves you as much as I claim He does, He will pull you through. He always does. He always has for me. That is what God’s love does. It finds us, it pulls us back to Him.

God’s love is not about control, or sin management. It is about a relationship with Him. Somewhere along the way I got it flipped. I thought that God could not be around sin. That my sin, your sin could push Him out of your life or mine. But that isn’t the case. Sin is repelled by God. It is unable to co-exist with Him.

Maybe I was scared, that the sin would push away God, and then me. I am still afraid for the consequences. But I have seen the Lord redeem so many things, in the Bible, in my life, in the lives of my family. I know He can do anything, and I will rest in that. 

He knows what He is doing, even when we disagree about what is sin. I’ll let Him talk to me about mine, and you about yours. I’ll follow the convictions of my heart and trust you’ll follow yours. I will continue to pray for the alignment I crave, and act in the unity of Christ until that day comes.

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