My friend is a year ahead of me in seminary, and she is generally far more organized than me. She too is a #seminarymom (It is a thing. Trust me.) and she gives me all of the information you really need. Mostly I have been following her advice. But I forgot to get my parking spot as quickly as she suggested. She was right. The lot right next to the school of Theology sure does fill up fast.
So, at least for this semester, I drive out of my way to get to the lot further from my house so I can pick up a bus that drops me off right in front of the parking lot I missed out on. Yeah. It is as much of a bummer as it sounds.
The bus that I need is called the Loop Bus. While the C-Route runs every five minutes, the Loop Bus runs every fifteen. And even though I have never missed the bus, and even though the bus has never not come, I am constantly afraid that I will miss it, that it will not come when it is supposed to, even when it has always come before.
What if it is late? What if it doesn’t stop where it says it will? What if I sit here forever and wait and wait and wait and it just. never. comes. What then? What will I do? What if someone is depending on me?
The other day, after I stayed late for a dinner and a speaker, I was waiting by the bus stop. My phone was dead and I could not check how late the route ran (even though I was pretty sure it ran to at least 10). I was afraid I had missed it. It was a long way to walk. How did I catch the other bus again? It comes every fifteen minutes. How long had it been? Surely not fifteen minutes. But maybe. What if I have to wait here on the corner forever?
In the midst of my existential crisis about the bus, one of my class mates asked me if I wanted a ride to my car. Boy was I relieved. Except, I didn’t know how to get to the other garage and I wasn’t even sure how to search for it. Right when we were figuring everything out, the Loop Bus came. Right on time, and I was no longer at the corner because I was afraid. My gracious classmate figured out how to get me to my car, and I was grateful for the time to get to know her. But I need not be afraid that the bus isn’t coming.
In this new space and time I find myself fighting scarcity again. I am afraid I am too old, too loud, too much for seminary. I am afraid I will not be able to balance it all. I am afraid that I have missed the bus on the whole career change thing. And I am afraid to wait. What if God doesn’t come? What if I sit there forever? What if I get to the end of this thing and there is no bus to get on.
God has not showed up for me the exact same amount of times the Loop Bus has not come. Exactly zero. Scarcity is such a stupid liar. First of all, missing God isn’t a thing. You won’t miss God, you won’t miss the bus. There will be another boat. But even if you do show up at the corner you are supposed to be at just the second you see that bus moving on, let yourself rest in the gift of waiting. Another bus is coming. God will show up again. If God calls you to something, you will not miss out. There is always another chance. Another bus is coming. I promise.
Now, the hard part. Pray that I will be able to practice this, publicly, just standing on the corner in faith.