I’m not a doubter by nature. I’m just not. Telling me something and tell me it is true and I am happy to believe you. In this way I am lucky to be married to a bit of a skeptic. He keeps me from diving head first into empty pools. Pools, I have of course, been told there was water in.
I don’t know whether it is nature, like some kind of strange genetic chemistry passed down from one generation of faithful believers to the next, or more nuture. It is hard to be a doubter when you saw God keep your lights on a handful of times in childhood. I have never really questioned the existence of God. Not really. Not deep down. I have always been sure of God’s existence. Some call that naive, others call it the gift of faith. I don’t really know what to say about it, except that I am sure this is the way I am wired.
I am not really a doubter, but I want you to know that I respect yours. I think, in many ways, faith without doubt is dead.
I am not a doubter, but I have found myself a safe place for those who doubt. I know the light is coming, I am not afraid of the dark. Some would say I am the steady friend that doubters need, that I keep them coming back. I don’t think this is the case at all. I think that hanging around the doubters, has only strengthened my faith.
It is like my classroom. I know the deepest learning happens when the questions are being asked. If we are reading along and no one has any questions, it isn’t because I am that amazing. It is because everyone has tuned the audiobook out. When we are thinking about, engaging in, trying to understand, the very nature of God, of course their will be doubts. If there comes a day that I have no more doubts, then I probably need to wade in deeper. I think doubts is evidence of a person being stretched, of a faith being used, not tucked away in a box somewhere.
I wish there were more room for doubt in our churches, in our Bible studies. I was driving home from a wedding last week, my mini-van full of my little girls and three of the most faithful people I know. Somehow, as the road and our conversation winded around, I learned that I was the only one in the van who had not stayed up at night, wondering if this whole thing we have based our life on isn’t all for nothing. I wasn’t horrified. Instead I was impressed. These people I know, who I would say are faithful, they choose that path, amidst the doubting. I don’t think that makes them somehow less faithful, I think perhaps it make them more.