In the four and a half years that I was a college student majoring in secondary education, I knew everything there was to know about education. I knew how I would run my classroom. I knew how to meet the needs of all my future students. I knew how to motivate kids. If there was a question posed about poverty and race and how it affects education I knew how to solve that problem. I knew how to fix it. I knew how to change the world.
I was passionate about my chosen profession. I believed what I had been promised, that if I only worked hard enough, dreamed big enough, wanted it bad enough, then I could be the kind of teacher they made movies about. I already had the answers, of that I was sure. I just needed a classroom to implement these brilliant ideas in. After that, Oprah would call. She always wants to interview the country’s best teachers.
The first inkling I had no idea what I was doing was the first day in my real classroom. I didn’t even know how to pronounce most of the kids’ names. I didn’t know how to fit enough desks into my classroom. I didn’t even know where to get enough desks. I struggled with relating ancient texts to the lives of my students. I remembered saying in a college class, “you have to show the kids why it matters to them, otherwise they won’t read the book.” Somehow, it had never occurred to me to ask how you were supposed to show them it mattered.
Today was my first day of my seventh year of teaching. I am claiming it as my year of Jubilee. I have taught in three different schools with three very different student populations. In all of the knowledge I have gained, I know far less than I used to. But now, I ask better questions.
When my students disengage and their grades start tanking, I have learned to look a kid straight in the face and ask him, “Is everything okay?” When a student refuses to email me the assignment I know they are capable of, I have learned to ask them if they have internet access at home. I have learned to ask “What happened today? Who said angry things to you?” when a student lashes out uncharacteristically. I have learned the hard way that it is almost never about me.
It is the questions with the hardest answers that I am just now learning to voice. How can we support students who have no support at home? How can we create schools where success is expected, and success is accepted in a neighborhood where everything else is falling apart? I don’t have answers for these questions. I hope someday I will. Asking questions with seemingly impossible answers is so much harder than having the answers. Some days all it does is lead to even harder questions. How can we support a community? How can we change a neighborhood culture? How can we stop the bleeding out that poverty causes?
The answer to these questions is terrifying; the answer is, “I don’t know.” But I am learning to lean in to the not knowing. Not knowing forces me to listen better than I ever have before. It forces me to stop, to look, to really see what is in front of me. People who have the answers don’t really need anyone else.
It is scary to speak questions you don’t know the answer to. I avoided doing it for as long as I could. But if someone doesn’t ask the questions, how will we even know an answer is needed?
Well spoken, yet again! As I start my new job in a new school, this reminds me to ask, ask, ask, instead of tell. Ask questions of the students as well as my new colleagues. Ask what works, and more importantly, what doesn’t, and why. Ask, because as one of my new favorite sayings goes, “If we don’t know it, we can’t grow it.”
Knowledge, wisdom, and compassion comes from asking good questions. 7 years? Wow.
Hi, I taught about five years before retiring to stay home with my kids. Then I went back. Something vaguely dissatisfying about teaching, and you touch on the issues with your questions. How can we make education “work” for the kids that have no backup support and sometimes situations opposite from helpful. I thought about longer school days with more variety in activities to dovetail with the academic subjects, shared dinners with family members, just more of every good thing leading to more of a total immersion program into academics, living skills, arts, sports and time to build relationships, work habits and intensify learning. How to do all this? More tax support, more personnel, more volunteerism, more time, more integration with community…just more effort, all in all.
I enjoy your reflections and thoughtful essays because they make me think, remember or just plain enjoy hearing about someone else’s day!
The semester I flunked out of Jr. College an English professor asked me if I were in love. I was.
Oh love, it either totally motivates my kids or totally tanks them!
I think we really start learning when we realize there are so many more questions than answers. I think part of educating others is teaching them how to ask questions and seek answers and how to deal with not finding the answer right away.
I’ll start my seventh year of teaching on Thursday. I’ve declared this my year of Peace. I like your word…Jubilee!
Thanks for the reminder to keep asking the hard questions. I’ve been asking myself (and others!) what can I/we do to support new teachers in a position that can be both so draining and rewarding? And…how can I find a peaceful balance as a teacher, wife, mom, housekeeper, friend, and Christ-follower?
Happy seventh year!
P.S. Still waiting for Oprah to call me too. No luck here.
New teachers. God bless them! Yes what a great question to ask, and the balance….I don’t know about that one either!
I can speak to this a bit. I was fortunate to have a wonderful intern in my classroom for two weeks this past spring, and recently found out she was hired at my former school to teach third grade. She wasn’t sure what she could/ should do before getting to meet with her team, set up her classroom, etc. I told her first and foremost to set up her own “space”–the items she can rely on to comfort and support her during the stress of being a new teacher. Pictures of loved ones for her desk, a stash of chocolate, “feminine supplies”, cough/ vitamin c drops, hand wipes, cologne, energy bars for those days when you’re too hurried/ harried to pack a lunch. It’s also an icebreaker with new colleagues when you can offer them support from your “stash”. She took my advice–and taught me that a small mist bottle of Evian is also a great pick-me-up!
“I know far less than I used to. But now, I ask better questions.”
Now I know what I always believed ,that you were, are, and are becoming a great teacher. I believe that of every person who says, writes or thinks the above about their vocation. I want to say publicly. This is my daughter and she brings me joy all the time. The same is true of your sisters.