Much to the chagrin of my father,  I don’t listen to the conservative talk radio guys I grew up listening to, instead I am an avid NPR listener. I also get my news from liberal leaning websites. So sometimes I am confronted with some information that makes me really think because I don’t agree with it. And one of those things was this. I read (in Slate I am almost sure, but now of course I can’t find it) that the abortion rate would actually increase if abortions were legal. I am well aware that many, many people would disagree with this study and I don’t even know if I agree with it. I am weary to even write the abortion word on here at all because it is so fraught with issues. But it made me think about the abortion conflict in a new light.

Do I want the law on my side? Or do I want there to be fewer and fewer abortions? Do I really want anything when it comes to abortion, or do I just want to be right? If there were a way to almost completely illiminate abortions without a public policy that says they are wrong, would that be a victory? It was a good soul search for me.

The merits of being married to a communication scholar, when you yourself were raised by two communication majors is that half the time the fight you are having ends up getting dissected. Let me tell you how not annoying that is when you are ticked and you just want to yell…..But the interesting thing about it is this, if Christian and I can both get over being the one on the right side of the argument, there is almost always enough middle ground for us to be okay with whatever is decided. Our worst fights are the ones where we are both camped out in our corners willing to defend and protect and on and on and on because we are sure we are right.

I have just agreed to disagree in a situation in my life. I don’t like leaving it there. But it is where we are both at. We both think that we have heard from God…just opposite things. There really isn’t anything else to be said or done. Right now I am just praying for the Lord to align our hearts with His. And in order to be praying this honestly I need to make sure that I am not clinging to my right-ness.

We serve a righteous God, and he calls us to be a righteous people. But that righteousness isn’t because we are smarter, or braver, or more careful than others. It is God’s gift to us. We are righteous because we are His and not the other way around.

There are times when it gets all twisted around in my heart. I think that I have to somehow defend my righteousness, or even more ridiculous defend the righteousness of God. God doesn’t need defending. If the only reason I have even a sliver of righteousness is because of His goodness to me. I don’t need to remind people of it.

Because I am an English teacher I looked up the definition of righteous and got this: 1. (of a person or conduct) Morally right or justifiable; virtuous. 2. Perfectly wonderful; fine and genuine.

I do want to be morally right and I want my actions to be justifiable. But more than that I want to trust the Lord to make me perfectly wonderful and genuine. And if I get caught up in the “right” of righteous, unwilling to let the Lord move my heart. I will miss out on the virtuous, the wonderful, the genuine.