I had my clergy evaluation today. I sat at a desk and we plotted and planned for the future, for the next few years. Plan A was quickly thrown out and plan B was assessed as the best, and I got everything I wanted for the church I am leading. Everything. Some of the things I did not even know how to ask for, but there they were in the other people’s heads too.
This thing seems to be coming together. And I have two secret projects that are coming together. And I am finding new paths for dreams long held, and old hopes are coming home. I thought they were gone forever, but there they are, waiting for me in my current reality. Who knew?
And as I am living into some of my wildest dreams, my friends are scared for their marriages because they happen to love other women. My congregants are nervous about how their family and neighbors will be treated if they are found by ICE. Every woman I know feels unsafe.
And yet, here I am, with all of these dreams. All of these dreams of a safe place for people to know God, of a community that actually loves each other well, of a place where people could actually have the space to reach their full potential because they are reminded of their intrinsic value. I dream of a place full of good art, and thoughtful prayer, and interesting learning opportunities that might actually make a difference AND are affordable and accessible to everyone. Like ACTUALLY everyone.
I was heartbroken on Saturday, felt like the world was impossible, and I read through my sermon again and there it was, that EVERYONE was worthy. EVERYONE was valuable. That was what I had to give the church the next day, the assurance that God is wildly for them, even when they feel like all powers that be are not. The world feels like it is spinning apart, except my tiny corner of the world where we dream of serving those who are most often forgotten, but not by God.
It is a strange time to be dreaming. But here I am. Maybe it is a strange time to be dreaming. Maybe that is exactly when we need the dreams God has.