A woman I like to refer to as my “digital pastor” has started a series on her blog. She is wrestling out some of that stuff we always hear in the church. She has invited me to join her.
I have toddlers and I teach teenagers. I know just how selfish a human being can be.
“Hey, can’t you see that you made your sister cry? Why is she crying?”
“I hit her because I want the dolly/camera/cardboard box.”
Sigh. At least they are honest.
My teenage students sometimes aren’t much better at the empathy part, just much better at the lying about the motives part.
I relate to them, I do. Sometimes what I want is what I want is what I want, and I just want it. Everyone else be damned.
I think it is a slow and holy work to teach a child to see beyond their own plate, their own circumstances, their own feelings. A very slow and holy work.
I understand the importance of teaching that sometimes your needs need to get in line behind your neighbor, (or your sister as the case may constantly be in our house). But I worry about that phrase.
I have seen the heart of it twist and turn until it is knotted into a lie that says “don’t do anything you want to do. If you enjoy it, it isn’t from God.” I have seen it in my own heart the part that says “Don’t pick yourself, don’t pick your dreams, if Jesus wants you to do the thing you will love, someone else will ask you to do it.”
Yes more Jesus. Always, more Jesus, my oldest used to pray “Jesus, Jesus, more Jesus.” It has become the prayer of my heart. But only because every time I experience Jesus, I become more of who I am supposed to be, I feel more like Abby then I ever have. I feel like a better, truer, purer version of me. BECAUSE Jesus, because more Jesus means more dreams, more vision, more hope, more freedom, more love.
So yes, more of Jesus, but also more me.