We went out on the town in my mini-van, car seats still in the back. The very first place we sat down we all began apologizing. “I’m sorry I need to sit there.” “I’m sorry I really need something to eat.” “I’m sorry I take pictures of everything.” “I’m sorry….”
“New Rule!” I announced. “No apologizing any more. Let’s just all be who we are. Let’s not apologize about it.” Then I swallowed the apology coming up my throat. I have been told I can be a little bossy, and I am sorry about that. We joked that we were going to order our drinks based on our personalities. But then I did. I ordered “the more you ignore me, the closer I get.” My sister Jill calls our style “pushy-friendly.” The drink came. Pushy friendly is delicious.
We stopped apologizing on Saturday. This gave us more time to laugh. And laugh and laugh and laugh. I keep trying to explain to people how great Saturday was. How funny it all was. How perfect it all was. Explaining everything that happened, it is like me trying to capture that moon.
When really it was like this, by Alison Luna. Full of color and music. Laughter tucked into angles.
Or this, by Jennifer Upton. The truth shining brightly just behind the clouds. Moments of focus clear and crisp.
I am glad I don’t have to tell this story by myself. I can’t capture the moon in the way these other ladies can. I do not have a photographer’s eye. I won’t apologize for that, or even see it as a weakness. I’m done apologizing for who I am. It wastes a lot of time, time better spent laughing and weeping and scribbling dreams on table clothes. I do what I am born to do, and they do what they are born to do. It is all holy, especially when we are doing it together.
Let’s do life together. Let’s not apologize for who we are. Let’s just be us.