On Carrying My First Baby In

When I pulled into the driveway the other night the Peanut was soundly asleep in her seat. I unbuckled her sister and took my bags in. I tried to shut the door as gently as possible, so as not to wake her. I wanted her to stay asleep. It had been so long since I had last carried her sleeping body into the house.

I got everyone situated and tiptoed back outside. I peeked into the window to stare at the little face, tilted to the side, still fast asleep. She looked so very much like the baby I used to hold. I opened the door and slipped off her shoes. I unbuckled her and hefted her onto my body. Her long legs dangled down my side. How did she get so very big?

She sighed and snuggled into my shoulder. I could feel her breath in my ear. I walked quietly into her bedroom, slipped off her jacket and tucked her in. I kissed her forehead and smiled. She will, of course, always be my baby, even if she is big.

I remember when I was 5 or 6 or 7.  I remember the car pulling into the driveway when I was almost asleep, not quite awake. I remember closing my eyes and softening my face, making my breath slow and even. I wanted to be carried in, to have my jacket pulled off and be tucked softly into my bed. I thought then that it was a burden, that when my dad carried me in it was out of a sense of obligation. But it struck me last night that I wasn’t fooling anyone, that my dad wanted to carry me into the house and tuck me into my bed. That he saw it as a privilege, to love me well.


8 thoughts on “On Carrying My First Baby In

  1. Ah the secret is out. Great post.Your writing is at its best with subjects like this. Yes I wanted to carry you into the house and tuck you in and as you put it love you well. Of course I still do. You and your sisters and the grands as your Mom would say. Funny how as time shuts down certain avenues of loving the Lord opens new ones.

  2. Abby, this was so beautifully written and really touched me. The fact that both your parents commented on it makes it that much more wonderful. Just discovered you and Elissa today and I am a new fan.

    @ Pink Paper Peppermints

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