My grandmother tells a story of when she was a little girl.
Her father left for town and promised her that when he got back he would have for her a very good gift. My grandma has always had a sweet tooth, and she was just sure that he would bring her something from the candy counter. She spent the day dreaming of peppermints and chocolate, debating the merits of caramel and fudge. Her father came home with a smile on his face, a hug for his oldest daughter, and his very favorite candy in his pocket for her. It was the only kind of candy she did not like. She says to this day he felt worse about it than she did.
When we talk about God sized dreams I start to get a little nervous. I know that God has amazing things in store for us, but I don’t always know if we recognize them when they are staring right into our faces. I’ve spent weeks and months praying for the Lord to show up in a difficult relationship or situation, for something amazing and miraculous to happen, for someone to have their very own Damascus road experience, for me to have my very own Damascus road experience only to have the Lord say nothing.
When I look back I can see that He was quietly holding my hand in the dark, and the faithfulness, the grace, the love despite all the difficulties, that was where He was showing up, and in some ways perhaps that is more miraculous than a supernatural experience and a wham, bam thank you ma’am change.
This is not to say I don’t believe in the supernatural experience, the miraculous and instant change. I have seen it, I have experienced it. I know that God still does that. This is not to say I do not believe in dreams only God can fulfill. I still believe that the Lord will bring me the children he has promised me, the ones that are already mine.
Those aren’t the only dreams I have, aren’t the only ones that have been spoken into my heart. Those aren’t the only dreams my Spirit leaps up to meet. In the sixth grade at church camp, the speaker said maybe God wants to use your voice, and the Lord told me audibly “yes!” That one was mine. In the same conference where the Lord told me to begin writing, He let me know that my sisters and I having a ministry together was not just a fun what if, it was a possibility, it would please Him, bring Him glory.
So, if we are talking about God sized dreams, I guess I have a few:
1. That God would use my voice, this year. I have a Facebook page now and a goal of 500 likes. After all my family liked it (thanks guys!) I have 71 (I have a lot of cousins). I have no idea how God is going to do the rest. I also want to start speaking in front of Christian audiences. This one is scary because I don’t know how it is done. I was on a speech team for 8 years I know how that part works, but I don’t know how to get a gig booked.
2. That this would lead to a bigger ministry, with the 2 best friends God gave me at my birth. I don’t think this one is for this year (but hey God, if you want to!) but my heart won’t let me leave this one. It is perhaps, what we were made to do.
I don’t know what this is all going to look like and I know longer want to spend the time guessing. Perhaps the audience the Lord is asking me to speak in front of is the 100+ students that come flowing in and out of my classroom every day. Perhaps I end the year with 69 likes after my political opinions alienate some family members, but I impact the lives of those people, they know God just a millimeter more. I wonder if that isn’t the greater miracle, the God sized dream.
I don’t know what a God sized dream looks like, but when my Father gives me a gift, I don’t want to be disappointed in it. So I will dream big this year. I will be unashamed of the desires I have, but mostly I will seek a God shaped heart, and I may learn that the biggest dreams are the ones that no one notices.