Perhaps I am thinking a little too far ahead on this one. The Peanut has yet to reach her second birthday, and the only thing the Rooster currently wants to do with sparkly pink shoes is gnaw on them. (Seriously, Elvis the Elephant, Eddie-Frogruerro, tossed aside in favor of shoes that are occasionally still on your feet. Mmmm.) But I have three nieces and a not so secret feminist agenda. (I have a recurring conversation with one of my students where he continually calls me “one of those people” and I tell him the word he is looking for is feminist, it isn’t an insult and my hair cut has very little to do with my ideas about gender-roles.) The princess thing makes me nervous and I haven’t even read Cinderella Ate My Daughter yet.
My sister Emily does a good job at her house, of allowing her girls to be whoever they might be, which means the Star gets to be a S-T-A-R in all of her glitz and glamour and show-boating glory. The Scientist will join in, but she also is allowed to take apart the fish tank and see if the addition of play dough will contribute or hinder the filter mechanism of the tank. (Well, perhaps not all of the Scientist’s experiments are explicitly sanctioned.) The third kid (who I have yet to name on here. I am open to S suggestions, Seer? Sage? I don’t know help me out here family!) is pretty much just interested in being with Mama. But the point is that Em doesn’t monitor the amount of pink plastic versus the amount of red plastic in her house like I do. She doesn’t fret over the implications of her daughters liking nail polish. (which duh I currently have a fascination with the Sally Hansen nail stickers so couldn’t it just be that nail art, like all art, is super fun and colors are pretty. Or perhaps, I want to be like Mommy. I am clearly over-thinking this bit.)
She doesn’t worry about any of that, and Em’s kids are fine. All kinds of girls are encouraged to be just the kind of girl who God made them. My nieces are healthy and happy and I don’t think anyone is worried that they are not empowered to feel like they can make their own choices. Some days I bet Emily is looking for the book on how to un-empower your girls so that they will just do what you want and not question you this one time for Pete’s sake we are late to church! I know I am.
Maybe I am over thinking it, and watching Em parent makes me confident I am. But first I get nervous when the Peanut develops a fascination for my make-up and then think that is stupid because it is my make up after all and what am I trying to say I don’t want her to be like me? Then I think about how make-up is essentially getting to draw on your own face and the Peanut is way into that. The other day she went at it with red and brown washable marker and she looked like she had been in a fight. She managed to color red up all visible parts of both nostrils. And yet, I still worry
Basically the whole princess thing boils down to this. If I get past all of my issues with the pink, glittery, plastic stuff. I have one concern remaining: I don’t want my girls to think that they are incomplete without a man, that they are not fully whole until they get married. (If they even want to get married. I believe the Apostle Paul when he said singleness is a gift from God.) I want my girls to believe that God thinks they are incredibly value just for being them, and not only in the role of wife or mother.
I want my girls to grow up believing in their own white horse, hitched to a carriage with the Holy Spirit driving. And if God has it for them, I want another rider, with a white horse of his own, together they would choose to ride into the sunset, because they believe that God has for them an amazing adventure and a partner in crime. But no one has written that story book, and Disney hasn’t picked it up. There is no two-hour movie complete with happy meal toys to tell it. The Princess Problem indeed.
But today I read a blog post and something happened in real-life that I have only dreamed about Julie Andrews solved my problem. Julie Andrews, just like when she played Mary Poppins, swooped in and told me which spoonful of sugar I could utilize to make the whole princess thing go down smoothly with me. Real Princesses. They speak foreign languages, they dress beautifully and modestly and sometimes funkily (give it up for those crazy hats!) they stump for good causes and make sick people feel better. They are the light of the world and they sit up straight.
Yes ma’am you can wear that tiara. Now tell me, which foreign language will we be learning today? What worthy cause would you like to shed light on? Sign me up for this tea party. One lump, or two?
As I’ve grown older I’ve come to LOVE the pink glittery stuff. I LOVE the fact that one day…real soon, I’m gonna get me a tiara. AND WEAR IT!!! Your girls are going to be fine. Take it from a mama whose daughter is fine and she was IN LOVE with the pink girly stuff. Here a secret about me I bet you didn’t know…I LOVE sparkly, furry things. Be it clothes, jewelry, hats, pillow cases…I LOVE IT. And you know what? I’m happy. I’m single (but would love to be in a healthy relationship). Independent. Bright. And most importantly…I love the Lord.
Stop worrying about your girls independence and let them be themselves. Whether it’s a girly girl or tomboy. They are who they are. Besides you and Christian are super parents..they can’t help but be spectacular!!
Knowing you (and Ensman) love all things glitter makes me glad. Two more sparkly-real-life-super-girls I can point them to!
Aw, I love this post so much–I’m so glad I found it! You and me, we’re kindred spirits on this fear of all that glitters. I want my girls to sparkle without thinking they have to be Ariel to do it. PS Cinderella Ate My Daughter is absolutely amazing. You’ll love it.
I am a little star struck by this reply. Thanks for the recommendation. Summer vacation reading here I come! (Only a few more weeks of teaching!)
the seer maybe? the sage doesn’t really fit. How about something like the seer only a tad more oblique Sam? (short for Samuel ) might work.
I’m totally flattered and humbled that you think I am doing well parenting my girls, by the grace of God go I, but thank you, and I am sure Peanut will grow up however she wants to, and Rooster will be just fine, no matter what, that’s just how she rolls.
I know right. The Peanut is pretty good at teaching me that the control I think I have is an illusion. Lately she has been wearing Roosters pants on her head and insisting “Happy Birthday!”
We were never really anti-princess at our house. We just thought Mulan and Pocahontas were a ton more interesting than the princesses that just sat around and waited the whole time.
I know your mother, of course that is what you did! Mulan, oh I forgot about Mulan. I can seriously get behind her.