I’m tired. Wor…

I’m tired. Worn is not enough, exhausted is too dramatic. I wish I was exhausted. At least then I would collapse and get a break. Exhaustion sounds like a vacation. I am just so very tired. 

And I am emotionally tired. I have been having the same fight with the same person for too, damned. long. Around, around the Mulberry Bush we chase each other until it is no longer clear who is chasing and who is running and we are both sure that the other person started it.

I am afraid I inherited my need to blame. One side of my family growing up always needed to know whose fault it was. The door could be almost broken for the last three years, but if it broke in your hands your name was put down forever in the family history book, “Abby broke that door.” It doesn’t matter if 13 cousins slammed that door fifty million times before me.

The thing about that blame is this. The door isn’t fixed with it. Blame, even when appropriately assigned, doesn’t fix anything. By the time you have gotten around to assigning blame, everyone is tired of talking about it and yet nothing is fixed.  The door is hanging by the hinges and the bugs are still coming in. But at least you know whose fault it is…..

4 thoughts on “I’m tired. Wor…

  1. I think we’ve all felt this way. Relationships, all relationships, can be so complicated and tear at our hearts and souls when our sin, their sin, any sin is involved. And let’s face it- if humans are involved sin is involved. Doesn’t have to be outward obvious sin that is easy to point at and say “that is wrong”. Can be the selfish, prideful, too busy for anyone but yourself kind of sin… in fact it often is that kind of sin that gets in the way most. You obviously love and care about this person enough to be tired for him/her. Keep loving with no bounds, no limits. Sounds cheesy but love really is the answer.

  2. PS… if God can redeem 20 years of anger, unforgiveness, bad habits of interacting, blaming, and criticizing in our relationship HE can redeem ANY relationship! Don’t forget though, you had to forgive me in order for the Holy Spirit to do it’s work of redemption for us- and I am so thankful that you did!

  3. Pingback: Fettered « theficklelemon

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