I got into a car accident last week. And my mantra since then has been
oh crap this hurts I’m fine. Really I’m fine. I know I am wincing a little but I am fine. I went to school on Friday, I didn’t get my prescription filled. I was in denial didn’t need it. I was fine really. Saturday I hit the ground running and didn’t stop until 8 or so when I finally realized I really did need that Tylenol 3. And no pharmacy was open. I got it Sunday before church. Or more accurately during church (the CVS didn’t open until 10).
But I didn’t really think I needed them that bad. I went to work on Monday and my head was pounding the whole day. I was pretty sore by the time I got into bed. And by Tuesday morning I couldn’t hardly move. I was planning to go to school the next day till I almost passed out at Walmart while simultaneously telling my sister I didn’t need any thing. It was awful. I called into work on Tuesday and Wednesday and basically sat on the couch sleeping and watching the Cosby Show on netfix.
And now is the part where we talk about my issues. YEAH! I got super sick with mono in Jr. high which lead to fibromyalgia, which I was miraculously healed from. (More about that here.) So I have been out sick from everything more than your average person. And teenagers can be mean. And when you don’t look sick it is really easy to assume that you are being a totally weenie pants when in fact you are not. You are actually in a lot of pain. But then a doctor suggests it is fakey, then you start thinking maybe you ARE just soft and you are already a teenager so everything in your head gets very confusing and you can at times convince YOURSELF you are fine when in fact you are clearly not. You are in fact, lying on the ground outside Walmart.
I wouldn’t give myself enough grace and I certainly wouldn’t just stop. I SHOULD be able to handle it after all. Why wouldn’t I? Come on Abby, you pushed a baby out, just go to work sore. But I just couldn’t anymore. And guess what? My kids did not light my room on fire. In fact, my room was cleaner and more organized than when I left and my department head was just glad I seem to be doing better. The only one who wouldn’t give me a break was me.
God teach me to treat myself with the same grace I extend others.
Amen. Rest in me.